Ocean's olisbos...

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No, not Oceans's Eleven the cheesy all-star-cast Hollywood heist flick but something far more filling: I guess it could be Ocean's Eight, or twelve, or nine or just however many inches as you want in your dildo...if that's your thing. Not just olisbos, toys for him and her and couples.



Olivia Ocean "aims to offer premium products at affordable prices"; the sex toy industry is a booming business for quarantined nations. This company "have seen sales soar by 38 per cent since lockdown, and they're expecting it to hit 50 per cent by the weekend." [The Mirror...think that's the first time I have ever linked to them!]



Think long and hard...before you buy...they're made in China ;-)

And go to the right place because this Olivia Ocean may make you think of getting wet but it's for you to relax and sleep...and even worse, please don't go to Olivia + Ocean to order a sex toy, it's a '(cool) moms'' swimwear store. Ah crap, I should never have started this blogpost...

Ocean's olisbos...

---

No, not Oceans's Eleven the cheesy all-star-cast Hollywood heist flick but something far more filling: I guess it could be Ocean's Eight, or twelve, or nine or just however many inches as you want in your dildo...if that's your thing. Not just olisbos, toys for him and her and couples.

Olivia Ocean "aims to offer premium products at affordable prices"; the sex toy industry is a booming business for quarantined nations. This company "have seen sales soar by 38 per cent since lockdown, and they're expecting it to hit 50 per cent by the weekend." [The Mirror...think that's the first time I have ever linked to them!]

Think long and hard...before you buy...they're made in China ;-) And go to the right place because this Olivia Ocean may make you think of getting wet but it's for you to relax and sleep...and even worse, please don't go to Olivia + Ocean to order a sex toy, it's a '(cool) moms'' swimwear store. Ah crap, I should never have started this blogpost...

Olfactible oast offering...

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A beer for pussies? No, a beer from pussies: the first beer with specific lactic acid bacteria from a selected vagina. Polish brewer* Order of Yoni have produced a beer containing the 'quintessence of femininity.'



Zero Hedge has the details: "Polish 'Vagina Beer' Contains 'Essence' Of Two Smoking Hot Models". "The secret of the beer lies in her vagina". No really, that’s what the Order of Yoni have on their website. And those worried about health issues fear not: the beauties in question "had undergone gynecological [sic] examinations, and then the material was double-checked in the Poznan lab to make sure that the lactic acid bacteria were isolated from the smear." Right, now I’m losing my appetite a bit...



In the Order of Yoni's FAQ they reveal in fact that they don’t brew in their own brewery but that they are ‘a craft brewery’ “that commissions brewing to our befriended, partner breweries”. Not sure whether it’s a joke or not, but they go on to say they are looking for supermodels, actresses, celebrities etc., for a future launch of a special series of beers with, for example, edible gold and saffron. Their strap-line “Bottled Instinct” sounds like a poor translation to me; will it have a yeasty aftertaste?

Olfactible oast offering...

---

A beer for pussies? No, a beer from pussies: the first beer with specific lactic acid bacteria from a selected vagina. Polish brewer* Order of Yoni have produced a beer containing the 'quintessence of femininity.'

Zero Hedge has the details: "Polish 'Vagina Beer' Contains 'Essence' Of Two Smoking Hot Models". "The secret of the beer lies in her vagina". No really, that’s what the Order of Yoni have on their website. And those worried about health issues fear not: the beauties in question "had undergone gynecological [sic] examinations, and then the material was double-checked in the Poznan lab to make sure that the lactic acid bacteria were isolated from the smear." Right, now I’m losing my appetite a bit...

In the Order of Yoni's FAQ they reveal in fact that they don’t brew in their own brewery but that they are ‘a craft brewery’ “that commissions brewing to our befriended, partner breweries”. Not sure whether it’s a joke or not, but they go on to say they are looking for supermodels, actresses, celebrities etc., for a future launch of a special series of beers with, for example, edible gold and saffron. Their strap-line “Bottled Instinct” sounds like a poor translation to me; will it have a yeasty aftertaste?

Oxfam overload...

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Some defence of Oxfam...and some not. First the defence: despite Guido's post today on the official Oxfam staff training guide on sexual exploitation, Oxfam do make it very clear - on pages 126 and 135 of the guide that most important of their non-negotiable principles in the Sexual Conduct guidelines Code of conduct are the following:

"To clarify: you must not demand or accept sex or sexual contact in return for goods or services from you or Oxfam." Clear. So, as Guido asks, is it really impossible to have a no tolerance policy for this?



Chez Stumbling and Mumbling believes that there are certain mechanisms at work in this and similar situations: ego-depletion, moral self-licensing and - whereby organisations can 'drift away from their original purposes' - the iron law of oligarchy.



Of course, much of the hoo-ha is political (of course!) but we've known for decades that Oxfam is "Leftist, anti-British, anti-capitalist and corrupt".[Conservative Woman]** It turns out that the Oxfam trustee Caroline Thomson, who made a 'full and unqualified apology' is an ex-BBC grandee who received - only 6 years ago - a nigh-on 1 million dollar pay-off when her bid to become director general floundered as 'she was dragged into the controversy over the cover-up of the activities of paedophile Jimmy Savile...and hence - of course - into a row over excessive pay-offs for BBC executives! [Daily Mail].



It's the all-too-common merry-go-round of BBC-quango-charidee-New Labour-EU gravy train once again! Her father was a Labour MP (then SDP), later made a Lord. She joined the BBC; husband political activist and very close friend of Peter Mandelson; he co-authored The Blair Revolution; a policy adviser to Blair and aide in No 10 for seven years; embroiled in Lobbygate [remember that? Only one year into the New Labour disaster but still several years before any UK MSM really took them to task] ; later an adviser to European Commission and now "having been ennobled for long service as a Blairite ultra is a key figure in the Lords in the battle against Brexit." They are an archetype couple of the New Labour stay-behind army that has the nation so blighted, the Civil Service is also full of the same.



Finally, to add injury to insult, the chairman of the charity Oxfam International, Juan Alberto Fuentes, has been arrested as part of an investigation into a corruption scandal although, as is made clear, "his arrest is not related to his role at Oxfam"; just unfortunate timing.



** please read the excellent responses there on this subject, especially from Mike, now probably a long way down the comment thread. 

Oxfam overload...

---

Some defence of Oxfam...and some not. First the defence: despite Guido's post today on the official Oxfam staff training guide on sexual exploitation, Oxfam do make it very clear - on pages 126 and 135 of the guide that most important of their non-negotiable principles in the Sexual Conduct guidelines Code of conduct are the following:

"To clarify: you must not demand or accept sex or sexual contact in return for goods or services from you or Oxfam." Clear. So, as Guido asks, is it really impossible to have a no tolerance policy for this?

Chez Stumbling and Mumbling believes that there are certain mechanisms at work in this and similar situations: ego-depletion, moral self-licensing and - whereby organisations can 'drift away from their original purposes' - the iron law of oligarchy.

Of course, much of the hoo-ha is political (of course!) but we've known for decades that Oxfam is "Leftist, anti-British, anti-capitalist and corrupt".[Conservative Woman]** It turns out that the Oxfam trustee Caroline Thomson, who made a 'full and unqualified apology' is an ex-BBC grandee who received - only 6 years ago - a nigh-on 1 million dollar pay-off when her bid to become director general floundered as 'she was dragged into the controversy over the cover-up of the activities of paedophile Jimmy Savile...and hence - of course - into a row over excessive pay-offs for BBC executives! [Daily Mail].

It's the all-too-common merry-go-round of BBC-quango-charidee-New Labour-EU gravy train once again! Her father was a Labour MP (then SDP), later made a Lord. She joined the BBC; husband political activist and very close friend of Peter Mandelson; he co-authored The Blair Revolution; a policy adviser to Blair and aide in No 10 for seven years; embroiled in Lobbygate [remember that? Only one year into the New Labour disaster but still several years before any UK MSM really took them to task] ; later an adviser to European Commission and now "having been ennobled for long service as a Blairite ultra is a key figure in the Lords in the battle against Brexit." They are an archetype couple of the New Labour stay-behind army that has the nation so blighted, the Civil Service is also full of the same.

Finally, to add injury to insult, the chairman of the charity Oxfam International, Juan Alberto Fuentes, has been arrested as part of an investigation into a corruption scandal although, as is made clear, "his arrest is not related to his role at Oxfam"; just unfortunate timing.

** please read the excellent responses there on this subject, especially from Mike, now probably a long way down the comment thread. 

Oxfam obitual oakum..

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Oxfam have been warned they could lose official funding (not fundraising income). To be honest what is going on is hardly a surprise but the depth of depravity in some of the news and the witness/whistle-blower statements is sickening: the complaints, the covering-up, the bullying, the Catholic Churchesque moving of culprits to other areas, the harassment etc are bad enough but where is the due-diligence in hiring/taking on/controlling/ managing these fucking cunts. [edit: now we hear of rape and attempted rape of co workers before even starting any relief work..."around 10 percent of staff had been sexually assaulted and others had witnessed or experienced rape or attempted rape by colleagues"]. What the fuck is wrong with some people; do we have to BAN men from doing this sort of work?



We've thought it - through anecdotal mutterings - for multiple decades; we've actually KNOWN about it for literal decades (Sexual Violence & Exploitation: The Experience of Refugee Children in ...[insert country name here]).



That's one side of this shit-storm. The other side is more manageable: we've called them fake charities for years and we continue to read about the "fat-cat pay, appalling waste and hidden agendas". The multiple billions being poured into 'charidees' with their multi-million mid-London office rents, lavish exec lifestyle and merry-go-round appointments for New Labour and Common Purpose apparatchiks. Another reason to hate Tony Blair and associated cunts.



In the UK charities are a massive massive 'industry': eighty BILLION GBP is the estimated total annual income, which equates to 120+ quid/year for every man woman and child in the country (if the official population census figures are to be believed...ha-ha). However this mammoth amount is well spread with about 200 thousand registered charities and nearly 200 thousand more unregistered (bear in mind however many schools, churches, all mosques etc are also "charities". More than 10% of the £80 billion is spread amongst the top 100, charity financial spotlight on the Top 100 are listed HERE (PDF) with the top 10 raising 2 billion, swelled to 3 billion by government funds (so we are giving at least twice). Interestingly "Faith-based charities dominated the fastest-growing fundraisers".

Oxfam obitual oakum..

---

Oxfam have been warned they could lose official funding (not fundraising income). To be honest what is going on is hardly a surprise but the depth of depravity in some of the news and the witness/whistle-blower statements is sickening: the complaints, the covering-up, the bullying, the Catholic Churchesque moving of culprits to other areas, the harassment etc are bad enough but where is the due-diligence in hiring/taking on/controlling/ managing these fucking cunts. [edit: now we hear of rape and attempted rape of co workers before even starting any relief work..."around 10 percent of staff had been sexually assaulted and others had witnessed or experienced rape or attempted rape by colleagues"]. What the fuck is wrong with some people; do we have to BAN men from doing this sort of work?

We've thought it - through anecdotal mutterings - for multiple decades; we've actually KNOWN about it for literal decades (Sexual Violence & Exploitation: The Experience of Refugee Children in ...[insert country name here]).

That's one side of this shit-storm. The other side is more manageable: we've called them fake charities for years and we continue to read about the "fat-cat pay, appalling waste and hidden agendas". The multiple billions being poured into 'charidees' with their multi-million mid-London office rents, lavish exec lifestyle and merry-go-round appointments for New Labour and Common Purpose apparatchiks. Another reason to hate Tony Blair and associated cunts.

In the UK charities are a massive massive 'industry': eighty BILLION GBP is the estimated total annual income, which equates to 120+ quid/year for every man woman and child in the country (if the official population census figures are to be believed...ha-ha). However this mammoth amount is well spread with about 200 thousand registered charities and nearly 200 thousand more unregistered (bear in mind however many schools, churches, all mosques etc are also "charities". More than 10% of the £80 billion is spread amongst the top 100, charity financial spotlight on the Top 100 are listed HERE (PDF) with the top 10 raising 2 billion, swelled to 3 billion by government funds (so we are giving at least twice). Interestingly "Faith-based charities dominated the fastest-growing fundraisers".

Oxfam Oxscam...

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Oxfam, Oxscam, Oxslam, Poxscam...[with thanks to a few comments at Guidos's]. "A confidential report by the charity said that there had been 'a culture of impunity' among some staff in Haiti and concluded that children may have been among those sexually exploited by aid workers. The 2011 report stated: 'It cannot be ruled out that any of the prostitutes were under-aged.'" [Link: Times £££]

There's helping people in distress and there's "helping" people in distress. Over the last two decades Oxfam seems to have become little more than a failing political lobby group (paying it's high up staff small fortunes of course), this news will just convince many ditherers that - along with fraud, sex abuse allegations, deaths caused by workers etc. - they were right to eschew another faux 'charidee'.





Worse than expected: [LINK] "A Times investigation found that Oxfam, which receives £300 million a year in British government funds and public donations, allowed three men to resign and sacked four for gross misconduct after an inquiry into sexual exploitation, the downloading of pornography, bullying and intimidation."



Update: In the interests of fairness here is Oxfam's statement of reaction. One snippet: "That the event took place seven years ago and involved a small number of staff is no cause for complacency. This is not the first story of sexual misconduct Oxfam has faced in recent months.

We have not done enough to change our own culture and to create the strongest possible policies to prevent harassment and protect people we work with around the world. We are doing that now with all our effort."

Oxfam Oxscam...

---

Oxfam, Oxscam, Oxslam, Poxscam...[with thanks to a few comments at Guidos's]. "A confidential report by the charity said that there had been 'a culture of impunity' among some staff in Haiti and concluded that children may have been among those sexually exploited by aid workers. The 2011 report stated: 'It cannot be ruled out that any of the prostitutes were under-aged.'" [Link: Times £££] There's helping people in distress and there's "helping" people in distress. Over the last two decades Oxfam seems to have become little more than a failing political lobby group (paying it's high up staff small fortunes of course), this news will just convince many ditherers that - along with fraud, sex abuse allegations, deaths caused by workers etc. - they were right to eschew another faux 'charidee'.

Worse than expected: [LINK] "A Times investigation found that Oxfam, which receives £300 million a year in British government funds and public donations, allowed three men to resign and sacked four for gross misconduct after an inquiry into sexual exploitation, the downloading of pornography, bullying and intimidation."

Update: In the interests of fairness here is Oxfam's statement of reaction. One snippet: "That the event took place seven years ago and involved a small number of staff is no cause for complacency. This is not the first story of sexual misconduct Oxfam has faced in recent months. We have not done enough to change our own culture and to create the strongest possible policies to prevent harassment and protect people we work with around the world. We are doing that now with all our effort."

Out of office III...

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Not scandalous...and not Brooks.

King dong, the bitch is read, or red as the case may be. Not sure if there is much of a sex scandal about the latest sex scandal. At least Brooks Newmark (a member...of parliament) doesn't have a double entendre name associated with 'the crime' as in the similar A. Weiner case in the USA.



Interestingly there is clearly a 'conspiracy' afoot by the Sunday Mirror to ensnare Conservatives as Newmark isn't the only one...he was just the fish that took the bait. Maybe the lefty rag and the 'freelance' ("male reporter, a freelance ­journalist who passed the information to the Sunday Mirror" [ha!], set up false twitter account and,posing as a "twenty-something Tory PR girl" called Sophie Wittams, "was carrying out an undercover probe into claims by sources that MPs were using social media networks to meet women"; of course he was) are trying to recreate the continuous wave of scandals that helped Tony Blair to his '97 landslide (itself orchestrated by the BBC and New Labour amongst others). Or maybe they are members/fighters for left-wing charities and green totalitarianism have got their man.




Very late (travelling!) update: very surprised to read this from Guido re the above mentioned 'male reporter'; agree with THIS from Writerlywitterings. 

Out of office III...

---

Not scandalous...and not Brooks.

King dong, the bitch is read, or red as the case may be. Not sure if there is much of a sex scandal about the latest sex scandal. At least Brooks Newmark (a member...of parliament) doesn't have a double entendre name associated with 'the crime' as in the similar A. Weiner case in the USA.

Interestingly there is clearly a 'conspiracy' afoot by the Sunday Mirror to ensnare Conservatives as Newmark isn't the only one...he was just the fish that took the bait. Maybe the lefty rag and the 'freelance' ("male reporter, a freelance ­journalist who passed the information to the Sunday Mirror" [ha!], set up false twitter account and,posing as a "twenty-something Tory PR girl" called Sophie Wittams, "was carrying out an undercover probe into claims by sources that MPs were using social media networks to meet women"; of course he was) are trying to recreate the continuous wave of scandals that helped Tony Blair to his '97 landslide (itself orchestrated by the BBC and New Labour amongst others). Or maybe they are members/fighters for left-wing charities and green totalitarianism have got their man.

Very late (travelling!) update: very surprised to read this from Guido re the above mentioned 'male reporter'; agree with THIS from Writerlywitterings. 

Origami over-organ off...

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It seems the idea is a good one but the company may be about to fold because the inventor seems to have spent his load, splurging and shooting his wad by creaming off the taxpayer funded grant money on a playboy lifestyle and perhaps confusing condom with condo. Clearly the pump and grind caused him to pop; with all the friction he eventually did his nut but still hasn't come clean about his personal behaviour  The Origami website states that "Latex condoms were first introduced around 1902,  just a year before the Wright Brothers' first successful flight at Kitty Hawk. Airplane technology has advanced us to landing on the moon and Mars while the rolled condom has essentially remained the same"...so has the wheel. Hat-tip Weasel Zippers, no, really!

Origami over-organ off...

---

It seems the idea is a good one but the company may be about to fold because the inventor seems to have spent his load, splurging and shooting his wad by creaming off the taxpayer funded grant money on a playboy lifestyle and perhaps confusing condom with condo. Clearly the pump and grind caused him to pop; with all the friction he eventually did his nut but still hasn't come clean about his personal behaviour  The Origami website states that "Latex condoms were first introduced around 1902,  just a year before the Wright Brothers' first successful flight at Kitty Hawk. Airplane technology has advanced us to landing on the moon and Mars while the rolled condom has essentially remained the same"...so has the wheel. Hat-tip Weasel Zippers, no, really!

Olisbos or ollapods' ophelimic officinal option...

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From angina to vagina: this Friday, the drug sildenafil citrate, better known as Viagra, loses its UK patent; the 15 years are up, and that's not the only thing! (OK, OK!). The first oral cure for impotence will suddenly have a lot of competition. It certainly works but was it the sexual be-all-and-end-all that people think? No, not really, as Miss Cox (nice name for a sex therapist) says, "Suddenly, men thought anything could be solved by a pill...If only that were true." Charlie Cooper's article in yesterday's Independent makes interesting reading, if you had the paper copy you'd also see the ad for a free tablet...or was that from PC World?



ophelimity: n. - the ability to please (not necessarily sexually)

ollapod: n. - pharmacist

officinal: adj. - used in medicine; stocked by pharmacists; n. such drug.

olisbos: n. - a dildo (readers of Owsblog may remember this word)

As so often, Owsblog obscure words from Luciferous Logolepsy.

Olisbos or ollapods' ophelimic officinal option...

---

From angina to vagina: this Friday, the drug sildenafil citrate, better known as Viagra, loses its UK patent; the 15 years are up, and that's not the only thing! (OK, OK!). The first oral cure for impotence will suddenly have a lot of competition. It certainly works but was it the sexual be-all-and-end-all that people think? No, not really, as Miss Cox (nice name for a sex therapist) says, "Suddenly, men thought anything could be solved by a pill...If only that were true." Charlie Cooper's article in yesterday's Independent makes interesting reading, if you had the paper copy you'd also see the ad for a free tablet...or was that from PC World?

ophelimity: n. - the ability to please (not necessarily sexually)
ollapod: n. - pharmacist
officinal: adj. - used in medicine; stocked by pharmacists; n. such drug.
olisbos: n. - a dildo (readers of Owsblog may remember this word)
As so often, Owsblog obscure words from Luciferous Logolepsy.

Orgasmic olisbos…

Olisbos or more acturately their predecessors: The history of vibrators! Vivienne Parry's penetrating and arousing article in this weekend's Times Women's Style section (I just happened to notice it…) is hilarious; in fact it's hysterical, literally – you'll see what I mean.

Despite first being 'diagnosed' as 'womb furie', women have always suffered a "complaint characterised by nervousness, fluid retention, insomnia and lack of appetite." The great Hippocrates called it hysteria thinking that the womb was blocked and causing the problem (Greek for womb = hysteros). Galen, a Greek physician way ahead of his time in more ways than one, was on the right track because he claimed it wasn’t any blockage but in fact sexual deprivation among women of a 'passionate nature' or those who weren’t passionate at all, either through choice or not: "nuns, virgins, widows and occasionally in married women whose husbands were not up to the job". Galen said

"Arising from the touch of the genital organs required by the treatment, there follows twitchings accompanied at the same time by pain and pleasure...from that time she is free of all the evil she felt"

The trouble was that doctors regarded this treatment as numbingly tedious...ha-ha, the image in my mind is indeed hysterical – those doctors! Who would have thought it, eh? However not all agreed, maybe due to religion: the Persian polymath Avicenna said

"Women [with hysteria] should not resort to rubbing,”…[this was ]… “a man's job, suitable only for husbands and doctors".

The image is of an 1860 water treatment - to save the doctors having to do it – and was claimed to 'free the evil' in less than four minutes

Come the 1870s and steam power helped 'The Manipulator' do the business but it was not suitable for the doctor's treatment room and so was a "a niche market poised for exploitation"…what a profession!

The first British vibrator, a battery device, was manufactured in the early 1880s and by the early 20th century electrification made vibrators available in the home. Interestingly they were available a full decade before either the washing machine or vacuum cleaner – getting the priorities right! Keep 'em happy to keep 'em working!

Click HERE for a slide show about the history of vibrators on Slate.com it is interesting - no really!! – some of the contraptions look more suited to a workshop and if you ever found your grandmothers' or great-grandmothers' sewing/knitting magazines it may have been something else altogether they were interested in - easing forehead creases!

Orgasmic olisbos…

Olisbos or more acturately their predecessors: The history of vibrators! Vivienne Parry's penetrating and arousing article in this weekend's Times Women's Style section (I just happened to notice it…) is hilarious; in fact it's hysterical, literally – you'll see what I mean.

Despite first being 'diagnosed' as 'womb furie', women have always suffered a "complaint characterised by nervousness, fluid retention, insomnia and lack of appetite." The great Hippocrates called it hysteria thinking that the womb was blocked and causing the problem (Greek for womb = hysteros). Galen, a Greek physician way ahead of his time in more ways than one, was on the right track because he claimed it wasn’t any blockage but in fact sexual deprivation among women of a 'passionate nature' or those who weren’t passionate at all, either through choice or not: "nuns, virgins, widows and occasionally in married women whose husbands were not up to the job". Galen said

"Arising from the touch of the genital organs required by the treatment, there follows twitchings accompanied at the same time by pain and pleasure...from that time she is free of all the evil she felt"

The trouble was that doctors regarded this treatment as numbingly tedious...ha-ha, the image in my mind is indeed hysterical – those doctors! Who would have thought it, eh? However not all agreed, maybe due to religion: the Persian polymath Avicenna said

"Women [with hysteria] should not resort to rubbing,”…[this was ]… “a man's job, suitable only for husbands and doctors".

The image is of an 1860 water treatment - to save the doctors having to do it – and was claimed to 'free the evil' in less than four minutes

Come the 1870s and steam power helped 'The Manipulator' do the business but it was not suitable for the doctor's treatment room and so was a "a niche market poised for exploitation"…what a profession!

The first British vibrator, a battery device, was manufactured in the early 1880s and by the early 20th century electrification made vibrators available in the home. Interestingly they were available a full decade before either the washing machine or vacuum cleaner – getting the priorities right! Keep 'em happy to keep 'em working!

Click HERE for a slide show about the history of vibrators on Slate.com it is interesting - no really!! – some of the contraptions look more suited to a workshop and if you ever found your grandmothers' or great-grandmothers' sewing/knitting magazines it may have been something else altogether they were interested in - easing forehead creases!